Project X
Gesture #17: The Card
I went to the fair with a handful of cards, not printed, but torn, painted, and handwritten. Each one had its own shape, its own hue. I gave them only when the moment felt right.
Not to promote.
To connect.
Some said “Send your portfolio.”
I did. Most never replied.
Looking back, I see it now as something else:
Not a networking attempt. Not a missed opportunity.
A performance.
A quiet offering into a loud system.
A piece of myself folded into paper,
handed over without knowing what would return.
Nothing did. But maybe the act itself was enough.
Maybe that was the art.
Gesture #18: Lost on the Way
A week of printing struggles. A parallel week of daily correspondence with the Portuguese post office, just to answer two questions: How much does it cost to send a registered package, and how long does it take?
The day of finally sending: heavy rain, rejection at the counter, a hasty re-wrap under storm clouds.
Ten days pass, no confirmation of delivery.
Silence from the organizers.
Then: the absurd discovery that the parcel had been sitting unnoticed in a small village for two weeks
What it took to send it, and what it meant when it was left waiting.
Gesture #19: En résonance avec le vide
In April 2025, I proposed a collaborative project centering on weaving, rural communities, and collective memory to an international contemporary art institution. A project about listening, land, labor, and value. Their reply came after a week: “Nous espérons que vous trouverez une institution partenaire dont le travail entre en résonance avec le vôtre.” Apparently, labor, community, and care were not in resonance. Sometimes the silence is not silent, it’s form-letter politeness, coated in cordiality. But it still says: this doesn’t matter enough for our attention.
This episode reflects on institutional disengagement. On the gaps between mission statements and lived values.
“In resonance with…” what?
Gesture #20: Disadvantage That Wasn’t
Effort: Nearly two months preparing an application, one of those months spent implementing a major project abroad, in a country where I didn’t speak the language. Financial strain. Time pressure.
Repeatedly asking for communication.
The official response: silence. Then, eventually, a flat denial of harm.
A line that quietly erases everything it took to try.
When the silence is polite, but the harm is real.
Gesture #21: Your Silence Will Not Protect You
(after Audre Lorde)
In spring 2025, I sent a proposal.
It spoke of care,
community,
collaboration.
A week passed.
Then a reply,
brief,
unaddressed,
redirecting me elsewhere.
To a page I had already read.
To calls that had already closed.
Time had been spent
where time was no longer held.
I wrote again.
Not to insist,
but to mark the gap
between what is said
and what is practiced.
No answer followed.
Only the structure remained:
polite,
intact,
unmoved.
I began to understand
that silence is not absence.
It is a response
that carries no responsibility.
And that staying quiet within it
does not create protection,
only disappearance.
I tried to be heard.
Gesture #22: The Sound of Boundaries Breaking
There are moments when violence doesn’t shout.
It taps. It knocks. It insists.
It arrives under other names
“maintenance,”
“concern.”
The door opens.
Not enough to prove.
Enough to know.
I had set boundaries.
Clear ones.
My home was not shared space.
Yet the knocking came
uninvited,
repeated,
sent by someone who should have known.
What stayed was not the sound,
but the shift that followed:
I was not being respected.
I was being tested.
Something in me adjusted.
Not towards tolerance
but towards refusal.
A no, no longer softened.
Because boundaries are not negotiated
through repetition.
They hold,
or they are crossed.
And when they are crossed quietly,
it is easy to pretend nothing happened.
Until the pattern forms.
And cannot be unseen.
Gesture #23: The Studio
A room I rented.
A room I entered with expectation.
The door was opened in my absence.
Small changes appeared.
Nothing confirmed.
Only enough to register.
Later, I stopped using the space.
Not in a single decision,
but as a gradual withdrawal of trust.
What was promised as stability
became something less legible.
Electricity was described as minimal.
Later, it became a calculation without measure.
At the end, part of the deposit remained withheld.
A figure tied to an estimation rather than a meter.
When I asked for clarity,
the answer shifted toward negotiation.
We find a reasonable solution.
The studio was returned.
The keys were documented.
The space closed.
What remained was not the room,
but the structure around it.
Gesture #24: The Room That Decides
The building feels heavier than its function.
Not because of its size,
but because it creates an atmosphere of intimidation through presence.
​
Inside, roles are visible but not fully readable.
A police presence at the entrance.
A man with a suitcase.
A counter filtering questions into procedure.
​
I adjust my belongings before entering.
Not because I am told to,
but because I am unsure what is expected.
​
A glance from the side.
Not directed, but present.
I register it in my movement.
​
The process is not only administrative.
It produces attention to oneself.
​
No decision is made.
But its structure is already in place.
Gesture #25: The Consultation
I arrived with the necessary information.
​
Not in the expected form,
but present.
​
Before the conversation began,
the absence of printed documents was noted.
​
It remained the central point.
​
What was available
did not fully enter the process.
​
Digital documents were offered.
They were not taken up.
​
The exchange circled
around what was missing.
​
A list was present.
It was explained back to me.​
​
Questions were answered in general terms,
detached from the specifics already there.
​
Understanding did not fail
because information was absent,
​
but because it did not appear
in the required format.
​
A second appointment was suggested.
With the implication
that only then
the situation could be addressed.
​
What remained unclear
was not the case,
​
but the condition
under which it would be recognized.
Assistance.
Another logic.
Gesture #26: The Greeting
A greeting is given.
Brief. Neutral.
​
A recognition,
nothing more.
​
Later, the same person appears again.
Not by accident.
Not clearly intentional.
​
Just present.
​
The first gesture
seems to carry forward.
​
As if it had opened something
that cannot be closed again.
​
No boundary is crossed
in a way that can be named.
​
But something shifts.
​
The space no longer feels neutral.
The movement no longer feels entirely free.
​
A simple hello
extends beyond its moment.
Gesture #27: The Elevator
The space is limited.
Movement is shared.
​
A suitcase blocks the entrance.
The door almost closes before entry.
​
Inside, the air is saturated.
Scent lingers longer than the moment.
​
Another person enters.
A greeting is offered,
followed by an expectation.
​
Eye contact is held open.
Not demanded,
but waiting.
​
I respond quietly.
Then withdraw.
​
More people enter.
Recognition happens between them.
Voices lift.
​
The space shifts.
​
My position becomes visible
through absence.
​
Nothing is said.
But something is implied.
​
A shared space
that does not remain neutral.
Gesture #28: The Approach
It begins without request.
​
A question.
A presence that moves closer
before an answer is given.
​
The distance is reduced
as if it were shared.
​
No reason is strong enough
to refuse without explanation.
​
Attention is assumed.
Not demanded,
but already in place.
​
To step away
requires more effort
than to remain.
​
The closeness is brief.
But not chosen.
Gesture #29: The Elevator Question
The question is simple.
“Which floor?”
​
It is asked
before any answer is needed.
​
The button panel is visible.
The order is automatic.
​
The question does not serve the situation.
It serves something else.
​
A conversation is initiated
without being chosen.
​
To not respond
would interrupt the expected flow.
​
So something is said.
Brief. Minimal.
​
The interaction takes place
because it was started.
​
Not because it was needed.
Gesture #30: The Open Door
The door opens
before it is unlocked.
​​
A voice follows.
“It’s open.”
​​
I remain where I am.
At the lock.
​​
The distance is small.
The instruction repeats.
Louder.
​​
The situation is already resolved.
But it is not left there.​
The voice insists
on being received.
​​
I do not move.​
The door closes.​
The sequence could end.
​​
Instead,
a hand reaches.
​​
Contact is made
without request.​
I remove it.​
The voice continues.
Uninterrupted.
​​
The interaction persists
beyond refusal.​
What begins as access
extends into claim.
Gesture #31: The Missed Elevator
The door opens.
I step out.
​
A person approaches.
Close enough
to enter.
​
The timing holds
for a moment.
​
Then passes.
​
The door closes.
​
Nothing is said.
​
But something shifts.
​
The sequence reorganizes
after it ends.
​
As if the missed moment
had a direction.
​
As if it could be placed
somewhere.
​
Not on the movement.
Not on the timing.
​
But on the one
who was already there.
​
A small delay
becomes a relation.
​
A relation
that was not chosen.
Gesture #32: Freedom of Being
Freedom is only possible
if you are able to say no.
I enter the building
as myself.
Not defensive.
Not closed.
Just moving
from outside
to inside.
Over time,
something shifts.
The interactions are small.
Individually explainable.
A voice that insists.
A body that comes too close.
A hand that does not wait.
Nothing that clearly declares itself.
But it accumulates.
I begin to calculate.
When to leave.
How to stand.
Where to look.
What not to trigger.
Movement becomes strategy.
Presence becomes management.
The question is no longer
what I want to do,
but how to pass
without being pulled in.
Something narrows.
Not visibly.
Not officially.
But effectively.
The space remains the same.
But I do not move through it
in the same way anymore.
Gesture #33: Boundaries Are Not a Reward
A boundary is not announced.
It is simply present.
What follows is not always refusal.
Sometimes it is continuation without response.
A step away.
A pause.
A lack of return signal.
The situation does not always end there.
Attention increases where no participation is given.
A voice repeats what has already been heard.
A presence stays where no invitation remains.
What is not answered
becomes the focus.
The absence of reaction
is read as something incomplete.
Distance does not resolve the situation.
It reorganizes it.
The space begins to fill
with interpretation.
What was not offered
is treated as missing agreement.
What was not engaged
is treated as resistance.
The boundary itself
becomes the point of negotiation.
Gesture #34: The Fragility of Safety
Safety does not disappear at once.
It loosens.
A bicycle lies on the ground
where it had been secured.
Later, a bell no longer works.
The absence is small
until movement depends on it.
A pedestrian remains on the bike lane
without changing direction.
The path narrows.
Avoidance becomes immediate.
Another bicycle approaches from the opposite side.
For a second,
coordination replaces thought.
A loud impact at the apartment door
late in the evening.
No explanation follows.
The body remains alert
long after the sound is gone.
Nothing alone is definitive.
That is part of the structure.
Each event remains small enough
to stand by itself.
Yet together
they begin to reorganize movement.
Routes are recalculated.
Attention shifts ahead of the body.
Rest becomes conditional.
Safety becomes fragile
when ordinary actions
can no longer remain ordinary.
Gesture #35: The Smooth Resolution
The order is visible.
A queue forms.
Movement slows into sequence.
I wait as the next person.
A man steps forward
before the transition is complete.
Not abruptly.
Almost naturally.
As if uncertainty had appeared
where there was none.
The interruption is small enough
to continue around it.
A second register opens.
He is invited first.
No correction is made.
No pause enters the situation.
The sequence reorganizes itself
without acknowledgment.
What is permitted once
rarely remains singular.
A gesture repeated without resistance
learns its own legitimacy.
Later,
the interaction becomes unusually warm.
A smile held slightly longer.
A softer tone.
A friendly wish for the day.
The atmosphere smooths itself
over the interruption.
Nothing remains unresolved
except the event itself.
The situation moves forward
without resistance.
Only the order
has changed.
Gesture #38: Official Support / Unofficial Erosion
Support is formally present.
​
Applications are approved.
Meetings take place.
Programs describe stability,
development,
future potential.
​
The language is constructive.
​
Work is encouraged.
Self-employment supported.
Artistic production recognized.
​
At the same time,
energy disperses elsewhere.
​
Housing remains unstable.
Attention reorganizes around defense.
Administrative processes multiply.
​
Time fragments.
​
The workday begins
after recovery from the surroundings.
​
Focus becomes conditional.
​
Support exists officially.
​
Unofficially,
the conditions required to use it
erode elsewhere.
​
Nothing openly prevents the work.
​
Yet concentration weakens
through accumulation.
​
The structure does not deny support.
​
It simply distributes exhaustion
alongside it.
Gesture #39: Calm Decisions
The customer is welcomed warmly. At the same time, the space narrows.
Workers organize crates beside the body.
Hands reach around the customer while the customer is still choosing.
Movement continues behind the back.
Prices remain difficult to compare.
Two workers are asked for help.
One rolls her eyes immediately, visibly disturbed by the interruption.
The other is unexpectedly kind and walks the customer directly to the products twice.
The contrast sharpens the atmosphere rather than resolving it.
From a distance, the first worker continues watching with visible irritation.
At the checkout path, bodies cross unnecessarily.
The customer adjusts direction to avoid collision.
The selection process accelerates before the decision is complete.
A larger product is purchased because the normal size is unavailable.
More money is spent than intended.
Partly because of confusion.
Partly because disturbance exhausts precision.
The customer begins to feel less like a customer
than a disruptive student moving through a hostile school corridor.
The store opens early in the morning, yet even hours after opening the atmosphere suggests that simply being there is slightly misplaced.
A quiet negotiation begins with the environment:
how quickly to choose,
how little space to take,
how apologetic one should be for needing something.
At the checkout another ritual appears:
the moral pressure to surrender one’s place,
to minimize one’s own time,
to prove social agreeability continuously.
The position is held in line.
A staff member moves quickly between the tills, announcing loudly that the self-checkout accepts card payment only.
The information is general.
Yet under pressure, even neutral announcements begin to feel directed.
Near the packing area, conversation flows easily with another customer.
Instructions become enthusiastic.
Demonstrations become social.
The contrast remains visible:
irritation in one interaction, animation in another.
The atmosphere appears unevenly distributed.
At the till, the items are pulled only partway across the conveyor belt.
The customer has to reach over awkwardly to retrieve them,
or reposition the trolley entirely in order to pack the groceries.
Even the final movements require adjustment.
The self-checkout stations deeper inside the store remain closed.
Only the terminals directly opposite the staffed tills are active.
Once, while using one of them, a staff member begins waving bags sharply through the air to attract attention.
The gesture continues longer than necessary.
Eye contact is held just slightly too long.
Later, a question about the product is answered without fully turning toward the customer,
as though clarification itself were already an interruption.
While packing the groceries, an oat package suddenly leaks inside the bag.
Perhaps it was damaged already.
After prolonged social pressure, coincidence no longer feels neutral.
Satisfaction becomes difficult to measure.
​
A blocked path, an irritated stare, the feeling of being processed too quickly to think clearly, the pressure to remain pleasant while being compressed.
Nothing explicit occurs.
That is precisely what makes the experience difficult to resist.
There is no certainty that anything wrong happened.
Only exhaustion.
And the sense that calm attention to one’s own needs has become socially disruptive.
​
Leaves smiling anyway.
The system interprets this as satisfaction.
Gesture #41: Account Without Exit
The account remains present.
Access does not.
Verification is requested.
Verification is provided.
Identification is submitted.
The identification is insufficient.
Additional requirements appear.
The requirements depend upon access.
Access depends upon the requirements.
Invoices continue arriving.
The account where they can be viewed remains inaccessible.
Whether payment is required becomes unclear.
Whether payment is possible becomes unclear.
The customer requests deletion.
Not as a strategy.
As an exit.
The request is received.
The request is not fulfilled.
The request is not explicitly refused.
A different problem is identified.
The issue becomes account access.
The issue becomes customer service.
The issue becomes contractual.
The issue becomes jurisdictional.
The issue becomes procedural.
The original request remains where it began.
One authority explains that the account problem is not a data protection problem.
Another explains that data protection cannot solve contractual problems.
A third authority becomes responsible because the company is elsewhere.
The company remains responsible because the account is elsewhere.
Everyone knows where the problem belongs.
No place appears where it can end.
Deletion encounters retention periods.
Access encounters verification.
Verification encounters requirements.
Requirements encounter missing access.
The system remains internally coherent.
Each explanation follows logically from the previous one.
Only the account remains unchanged.
A debt is unknown.
Because the debt cannot be seen.
The amount may be zero.
The amount may not be zero.
The account where the answer exists remains inaccessible.
No decision is reached.
No refusal is issued.
No resolution occurs.
The account continues existing in a state between presence and absence.
The platform exists to help small businesses operate.
Time is redirected toward recovering access to the platform.
The account remains inaccessible.
Administrative activity remains uninterrupted.
The customer is free to leave.
The account is not.
Nothing prevents closure.
Closure simply never arrives.